Bangkok

Our Cambodian bus had taken us to the country’s border with Thailand at which point we had to make the crossing ourselves on foot. It seems the company who were transporting us to Bangkok from Siem Reap felt no information needed to be given to any of us but that a small blue sticker would suffice. We found our way to the Cambodian immigration alright as we stuck with the rest of the group however it all got a bit confusing after that. Just with the Vietnamese/Cambodian border, there was a few hundred metres betweens each immigration office considered no-man’s land filled with casinos we just assumed we were meant to walk along until we saw a sign. Regardless of there only being one way to really go we latched onto a pair from our bus, identified by their sticker, who looked local and may have done it before. This was until guards blocked our path for attempting to illegally sneak into Thailand. We were ushered into a hall which was clearly the immigration office but had no idea which line to be in as apparently if you need a visa on arrival you’re not meant to stand in the “visa on arrival” line, so instead we just queued up with the other westerners rather than risk our third telling-off. Despite concerns regarding having to pay for our visa with no money, not having the right forms or being in the wrong line it actually turned out the that the border crossing was very straightforward and we had been guilty of panicking a little. Consequently we were the last blue stickers to join the group on the other side.

We had to wait almost an hour for our next bus to arrive and when it did I think everyone thought the same thing: “This can’t be the bus all the way to Bangkok?” It was a minibus with no boot space so as a result all the bags got piled on one of the seats resulting in a cascade of luggage all over the elderly woman unlucky enough to sit next to them. We were crammed in the back along with some other people but remained pretty upbeat finding the best way to deal with the horrific choice of bus was to laugh about it. Somehow this planned worked for the entire five hour journey.

The luggage rack

The minibus dropped us off somewhere in Bangkok, which we never identified, as we had finally been caught out by buying cheap knock-off Lonely Planet guides as our Thailand book, it turned out, had barely visible maps. Regardless of this we could get a tuk tuk to our destination for relatively cheap so we were quite happy. We later found out that there are two kinds of tuk tuks in Bangkok, some have yellow number plates which means they are government owned and abide by rules where as white number plated one are freelancers and will stop at every one of their sponsors in between you and your destination to try and make you buy something. We got the white variety so ended up having to say no to his suggestions of stopping at a number of travel offices and buying tickets for various tours. Although I was talking fairly calmly and politely it seems they’re much fonder of a female voice as Linz had him taking us to our destination in no time.

We didn't have anywhere booked to stay in Bangkok but had chosen Khao San Road as where we thought looked like a good place to be based and we weren’t disappointed. It was starting to get late and the shops along the road had started to encroach onto the street causing quite a bustling atmosphere we couldn’t wait to explore. However, the crippling heat combined with our heavy bags meant finding a hotel quickly was vital. We tried a few before settling on the Khao San Palace which offered everything we always look for: air-conditioning for both of us, wi-fi for me and a lack of bugs for Linz.

Finally we could venture out into Khao San Road which had, in the brief time we had checked in, become even more crowded as the stalls continued to edge into the street. Although the majority of stalls sold t-shirts there were lots of jewellery, souvenirs and food on offer as well. Every so often a police car would arrive and suddenly the stalls would vanish from the road regardless of whether anyone was browsing the racks. It also took us a mere few minutes to find ourselves face-to-face with the seedy reputation Bangkok has as we, Linz included, were being offered tickets to all kinds of back alley shows presented to us on a kind of menu. The stall which pleased me the most to see was the one selling edible cockroaches, scorpions and various other bugs as I finally knew I could get redemption for failing so badly at eating a critter as far back as Beijing. However, we were on our way to dinner and I felt scorpion was more of a post-meal delicacy.

Khao San Road barely visible through the swams of people

That evening we ate in the 999-Grill in a narrow alley of Khao San where I could distract Linz with a steak while I watched a match I had been dreading for quite a while, Newcastle versus Liverpool and, more significantly, Andy Carroll. We were beaten 3-0 in a match where we offered little but at least with the silver lining that Carroll didn't score. My evening could at least be improved by getting a scorpion or two down me, until I discovered the stall on wheels had moved on and I couldn’t see where to. There was always tomorrow.

The next morning hit us quite hard and we really struggled to get up and after a brief discussion decided to venture no further than Khao San Road, spend most of the day lounging in the hotel and leave sightseeing until the next day. We headed over the road for lunch which was only memorable for the laziest waiters I’d ever seen. You really had to try and get their attention and then when you did you felt like you were interrupting the conversation they were all having, but seeing as lunch was just about our only plan we didn't mind too much.

We spent the day doing very little but lying in bed and browsing all the stalls again. It was such a different atmosphere during the day to such an extent it almost looked like a different road especially seeing as cars could now moving up and down it. During our time here we bought a second hand, but legitimate, copy of the Lonely Planet guide of the country, a few t-shirts each and Linz bought some jewellery. I was being pressured from home to buy some T-shirts as apparently a red and white shirt is not suitable for wearing everywhere so ended up buying a Chang beer one. I also, for reasons I can barely understand myself, bought a bright blue t-shirt with a huge cartoon hippo on it. A combination of the colour, the smiling hippo, the low cut V-neck and its incredibly tight fit made it without doubt the campest looking item of clothing I have ever worn and it was binned almost instantaneously.

That evening Linz consented to do something she has been unwilling to try for the entire trip so far and eat street food. It was an unparalleled success and BBQ meat skewers and Pad Thai went high up her list of favourite foods. We thought we’d finish it off with some ice cream so I went up to a shop counter and placed our order completely unaware I was blocking the TV showing Arsenal beat Man United, and even more oblivious to the fact that the entire restaurant had started booing me. I wasn’t even made aware of this until I had rejoined a mortified Linz. It was embarrassing to hear but the news paled into insignificance when I realised to the scorpion salesman hadn’t brought his stall out. I had once again missed my chance and may not get another.

The next day we finally decided that we ought to have done some sightseeing by now so headed off early in the direction of the Grand Palace as this is Bangkok’s top attraction. However, on the way we got chatting to a particularly friendly man who was part of the Thai military who worked at the palace. He explained that the palace was closed until the afternoon because of a ceremony and continued to plan us an entire itinerary instead. He was also the man to pass on the useful tip about the yellow and white number plated tuk tuks. Having chatted for a while he even hailed us a tuk tuk and explained, in Thai, what we wanted to do and even negotiated a price. The only issue was he had understood us being on a budget to think that we wanted a white, stop at every shop, tuk tuk so we braced ourselves for a stop-start journey.

The friendly tuk tuk driver who got steadily worse as the day went on

Initially we stopped at a pleasant temple not too far away which, although it was nice to walk around the grounds, was a bit too expensive to get inside especially seeing as we didn't even know the name of it. The freelance tuk tuks are given free petrol by shops and business when they bring customers to them so our next stop, at a fancy tailors’, our driver insisted we just look around so he could get free petrol. We were happy with that deal as he seemed like a good lad and all we had to do was look around a say no to anything that was offered. So twenty minutes later I left the shop with a tailored silk shirt wondering what just happened.

Monks wandering round the unidentified temple

I was very happy with my shirt but was pleased that we would now be heading to another sight to see. Unfortunately our driver knew of another free petrol station, this time a fancy jewellers, and again we had a wander. Given that the cheapest jewellery here would have ended our entire travel funds we were slightly stronger when it came to saying no. But frankly I'm pretty confident they all knew we couldn’t get anywhere near affording it.

Anyway, we were now heading for the Golden Mount which is one of the highest peaks in the area offering good views of the city, or at least until it turned out this wasn’t actually the plan as there was one more tailors’ we could stop at for free petrol. How much petrol can a tuk tuk need? This time the driver got a firm no and reluctantly drove on, although when we got out at the Golden Mount he said he no longer wanted to take us to our final destination so needed paying then. Having confused him with mentally calculating how much of the journey we had actually achieved and consequently how much he should be paid he, probably just wishing to get away from the impromptu maths lesson, accepted and we ended up happy with our even cheaper transport. The Golden Mount, although a mission to climb, did offer some good views but we were still struggling to be bowled over by Bangkok.

The view from the Grand Mount to what we assumed was the city centre

We decided to pay slightly more and get a yellow tuk tuk back to the Grand Palace which must have been open seeing as it was well into the day now. However, when we got there we found it closed earlier than we anticipated and would be paying £7 for about 45 minutes in there, so once again we ditched the premier attraction.

Instead we headed for Siam Square, Bangkok’s commercial centre, as Linz was very excited about the city’s Skytrain expecting it to be a sightseeing monorail around town. Confirming my suspicions, it was in fact just a train, albeit that ran about 10 metres over the roads,  used for getting around and that had windows covered in advertising minimising the view. Disappointed we got off two stops later but at least the walk back passed fairly grand shopping centres was enjoyable. We returned to the Khao San Road relieved to be back in familiar surroundings where we had a quick dinner before heading to the tourist office to board our bus to the northern town of Chang Mai.

Riding one of many painted rubber ducks outside the shopping centre. I got some weird looks for it

We left feeling rather disappointed about Bangkok although I realise we definitely didn't give it the effort we had given anywhere else. We struggled to indentify a city centre where we could gauge anything from and never felt particularly comfortable with the transport as, even though they have tuk tuks and the train system, neither ever seemed quite enough. And I had failed to eat a scorpion.

Our bus to Chang Mai left late at night so we were hoping to get some sleep but initially we had concerns that as the seats barely reclined we may really struggle. However, the bus was almost empty so we tried to lie flat on two seats each which was partially successful although my feet stuck into the isle and I was constantly in danger of falling off. Other than this, and the bus’ need to drip water on our heads every few seconds, it was relatively successful and we arrived in Chang Mai just after sunrise.