Mekong Delta

On arrival in Ho Chi Minh we had booked ourselves onto a Mekong Delta tour, but rather than follow one of the strict tours the company provided we customised our own so we could end on the tropical paradise of Phu Quoc Island rather than return to the capital. Early in the morning we got on our tour bus, with a surprisingly large number of local and quite stern looking female tourists, and headed off. The Mekong river, which runs through Thailand and Cambodia before entering Vietnam, splits into many branches to form the delta which has earned it the local name of “Nine Dragon River”. After a couple of hours we left the bus to board our first of many boats we would be taking. There were two boats waiting for us which offered the group the first opportunity to split the westerners from the locals as, without instruction or communication, the group was divided perfectly. At no point during the two days did either faction approach the other.

One of many smaller rivers we travelled along

Our first boat was a narrow and low lying one which took us out of the main river and down a few of the smaller ones. I’m afraid capital cities and freeze thaw erosion is all I remember from years of geography lessons so river-based descriptions beyond “smaller ones” is unlikely. Anyway, the boat continued to meander through mangrove forests, occasionally passing fishermen precariously balanced in boats barely above the water level, until we reached our first stopping point for lunch. Having docked the boat we entered the restaurant which seemed more like a tiny tribal village as the eating area had no walls and everyone who served us appeared to emerge from their own shacks upon our arrival. On previous tours which have included a meal we have easily be able to eat enough to satisfy our hunger as they usually bring a selection of dishes and let you pick. This place was little different as, to begin with, there was just one option; Elephant Ear Fish. It was brought to our table whole including eyes, scales and a chilli in its mouth. Although it did have disappointingly small ears. After initial scepticism it was actually bloody tasty and the spring rolls the staff made out of it were amazing. Linz was less confident so after picking the cucumber out of the spring roll it was passed onto me. Similar disappointment greeted Linz when the second course of catfish soup was brought out. It wasn’t too bad but if I ever come across catfish in Waitrose I think I’ll pass. I’m sure they’ll have elephant ear fish instead.

Elephant Ear fish in all its glory

We left the questionable restaurant, after a good hammock session, and boarded a small fleet of tiny rowing boats each big enough for four tourists and a local driver. This was a highlight of our time spent on the delta as we could enjoy the silence of the river only broken by the oars hitting the water as our boat had left first and got away from the others. In addition there were a few classic Vietnamese triangular hats in the boat we could try on. Although in almost three weeks in Vietnam I had never seen a man where one of these hats I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity don the famous hat. It was actually a great relief from the searing heat but as predicted I looked ridiculous.

Questioning whether i'm wearing a women's hat or not

We were dropped off after only about twenty minutes so had to leave the boat and our stylish hats behind as our next transportation awaited. When the rest of our group arrived we all boarded what seemed like the love child of a tuk tuk and a soldier transport vehicle which proceeded to speed along the country roads until we reached our next stop.

Our transport to the coconut candy factory

The vast majority of locals living in this area earn money through farming and selling vegetables, however we had arrived at a small factory manufacturing sweets using sugar and ground coconut. We were allowed to try some of the coconut candy which although tasting good did take a solid few minutes of chewing to finish off. The highlight of the stop off was meeting their pet snake which I was allowed to hold. If anyone reading this is a snake handler and would like some advice regarding how to hand a snake over to a tourist I would strongly recommend not using the phrase “he’s angry, but don’t worry” when wrapping a meter and a half of python around their neck. Linz felt a brief stroke on the snakes head would be enough.

Trying to remain calm while wondering whether pythons are venomous

Linz had remained calm when the snake had been removed from its cage and had also reacted well when the full body of the elephant ear fish was placed in front of her, but our next stop was never going to be stress free. She’s not a big fan of farms in England but a bee farm in southern Vietnam was always going to be a challenge. Firstly though we got to enjoy a few local fruits as they also had quite a large orchard so as well as standard ones, including bananas and pineapple, we also got our first taste of jackfruit and papaya. Then they brought out the bees. Im not sure how gauging a hole in my arm with her nails would help Linz from a swarm of bees, but it did seem to help the stress levels. She didn't like it when I went in for a close up photo of them though, although 2cm away was quite close.

Some bees

Following a bizarre musical rendition from those working on the farm, we re-boarded our boat and began our 45 minute journey to our bus which would take us to our accommodation for the night. During the day we could leave our bags on the bus which wasn’t just handy but vital seeing as my bag was now 50% worse off when it came to shoulder straps. After a couple of hours on the bus we reached the capital city of the Mekong region called Can Tho and, after a quick check in, I could once again tackle fixing my bag. I finished the job satisfied it wouldn’t break but I’m pretty sure I thought that the last two times. Usually our hotel selections are based on a couple of hours of Linz browsing countless reviews on Trip Advisor and being put off good looking hotels by even the slightest mention of bugs, but this time she had no say as the tour had selected one for us. Consequently we slept on two bed bug sheets that night.

Following an incident free night we awoke early to head down for our free breakfast but seeing as neither of us fancied stir fry at about 7am we passed and just waited for the bus to leave. There wasn’t much planned for the second day but our first stop was the floating market. Seeing as so much transportation of goods is done by boat the locals see little point in hauling all their produce onto land to sell it, so consequently they all show up every morning just downriver from Can Tho and sell directly out of their boats. We changed the bus for a local boat and joined the crowd of sellers filling a large part of the river. We floated around for about an hour watching small boats approach larger ones often filled to a point near overflowing with coconuts, pumpkins, spring onions and various other vegetables at which point they would enter negotiations. Partially because I was hungry following the lack of breakfast, but also because I wanted to get in on the action, I bought myself a local snack called a coconut cake. It was sticky rice dipped in coconut milk wrapped in a banana leaf. All seemed fine until I bit into it to find it bleed a horrible tasting juice into my mouth from an incredibly sour berry hidden within.

We headed off from the floating market before we deviated up another smaller river to visit a fruit orchard. In a similar story to the bee farm, we were presented with the same selection of fruit while we talked to a French couple who endeavoured to teach us the French words for the fruit we were eating. Seeing as geography has already failed my in this blog I will attempt to impress you with the French I learnt although I think I can only remember the word for Jackfruit. Its jackfruit.

After a long boat ride back to Can Tho we stopped at a more traditional restaurant compared to our previous day although they did serve us on rollerskates. This time the meal wasn’t included in our ticket so we both just opted for some cheap noodles which we could enjoy with an Australian couple we had talked to quite a lot on the trip so far. We were getting on quite well but then a combination of me not thinking before I spoke and them mishearing me, they didn't speak to us for the rest of the tour. I won’t go into details but essentially they thought I said a bunch of chickens would be better company than them. In my defence I was actually saying that a bunch of chickens would be better company than Linz.

We boarded the bus and headed back to the hotel we had stayed in the previous night where, following the friendliest goodbye I could manage to the Australians, we left the tour group as they were going back to Ho Chi Minh City. Here we were met by a local bus which would take us further north to the town of Rach Gia. Despite not being part of the tour anymore this bus was part of our ticket as was a nights stay in Rach Gia. Upon arrival we were mobbed by a group of motorbike taxi drivers all offing their services where for the first time rather than just say “no thank you” I actually found myself quite accidentally laughing in one of their faces. I knew full well that our hotel was merely meters away from the bus station so couldn’t help but laugh when one of them tried to convince me it was 5km away. We headed off and within a minute or two had found it.

The room was, just like the previous night, very basic but absolutely fine and even had cable TV. It’s a sad fact that the first things we check on arrival in a new room are does it have air-conditioning, does it have a fridge, but most of all, does it have the channel which shows CSI and Hawaii 5-0. This one did so we were happy. Our happiness didn't last long however as we headed out for dinner knowing there was only one good restaurant in town and we weren’t near it. After half an hour of walking, with serious hunger, we finally found the restaurant to be greeted by signs reading “This restaurant has closed down”. We decided to give up on dinner and instead settled for chocolate fairy cakes we found at a stall on the way back.

The next morning we woke up looking forward to leaving the dive that is Rach Gia and head over to our island paradise of Phu Quoc. After a quick breakfast we headed for the port which was the only reason we stopped in Rach Gia as nowhere else had access to the island. After almost three weeks in a country where “dong” is the currency we had started to run out of original immature gags but the boat to Phu Quoc Island changed all that. We seemed to be the only people entertained by the idea of boarding the “Superdong”.